what's that bracket?

Well, it's that time of year again. To be fair, I got into college basketball when I was in college as an excuse to day drink for all of March. But since then, it has become something I legitimately enjoy watching and I take basically every opportunity to make a bracket that I can. I would also like to take this time to note that none of my brackets have ever won and that inviting me into your pool is the equivalent of asking "hey can I just have that ten dollars?" AND I WILL ALWAYS SAY YES.

On another note, another reason I love March Madness so much is because of my alma mater's final four run in 2006. It was the most awesome thing just EVER to turn on ESPN any given day and see the Patriot Center or see Lamar Butler on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Also, I was interviewed by four separate news stations across the country. FOUR. One time at 5 am when I had been drinking grey goose and cranberries (classy!) for three hours out of a nalgene whilst camping out for tickets to Indianapolis for the Final Four. I was beat red and wearing a wife beater, baseball hat, and sweatpants. And they still put me on the news. I hope that producer got fired. It's true, being a student of a Cinderella school has its perks, but it also has its negatives too. So for all you Cinderellas out there hoping to break my bracket (I'm looking at you, Muarry State), here are a few tips for when the local news comes a'callin, and how to enjoy the ride.

1. Pray you have a famous alumni worth mentioning.
In every single article written about Mason in 2006, no famous alumni were mentioned. And why is that? We have one notable alumni: Karl Rove.

2. If your University president is a troll, have someone else get in the pictures with the team.
We have the single most unattractive University President EVER to be committed to print photography. Yeah. Sleep easy tonight, guys. Also fun sidenote: I literally pulled him out of the mens room at the UConn game in 2006 to take a picture with me.

3. Get ready for the same three facts about your school to be repeated and often mutated in the press.
George Mason was a Virginia Statesmen. GMU is located in Fairfax, VA. It is the largest state school in Virginia. Yeah, newspapers. That was all well and good. But dig a little deeper. Did you know George Mason had gout? You sure didn't, because the Wichita Times didn't feel like doing their homework.

4. Getting as drunk as you can at every possible event will not preclude you from being on the news.
See above.

5. Be prepared for every Joe Jackass on the planet to come up to you and say "YOU TOTALLY RUINED MY BRACKET" for the next 11 months.
No sir, I didn't. I watched the games and cheered. Call Coach L for that ten dollars back.

6. The fans of the schools you are upsetting will be ASSHOLES.
But nothing feels better than rubbing it in their faces - my personal favorite was our "WHERE'S MY LAPTOP?!" cheer for UConn. Second was BILLY PACKER. Get drunk, yell, and really rub salt in their wounds. 4 years later and I still feel superior to every UConn fan I see.

7. Parlay the sudden interest in your school for free drinks at every major tournament.
I didn't pay for a thing at The Final Four. It was also my birthday, I was also turning 22, and I am blonde and little - but I choose to believe that it was everyone's general love for the scrappy little guy who tried their best that got me those miller lites that caused me to vomit under the table after we had lost to Florida.

8. Shirk ALL responsibilities to go to all the events you can.
Hands down, that was one of the best experiences of my life. You can retake a class but you cannot relieve an #11 seed victory over a #1 seed team. Also, if you go to any school other than possibly Cornell, your teachers will totally understand. Again, if you're a 22 year old blonde girl, it helps.

Enjoy it, college students. I'll be celebrating this wonderful month by again drinking like I am one of you.